Home Groups Talk Explore Zeitgeist. I Agree This site uses cookies to deliver our services, improve performance, for analytics, and if not signed in for advertising. Your use of the site and services is subject to these policies and terms. Members Reviews Popularity Average rating Conversations 61 1 , 3. It's nothing to be ashamed of. When it comes to performing oral sex, most people fall somewhere between fumbling and clueless.
But now, in The Lowdown on Going Down you'll find practical, easy-to-master techniques that will give you the confidence and skills you need to become an expert in the delicate art of cunnilingus.
No current Talk conversations about this book. I didn't find much use for this book because I will never have a reason to learn the 'practice'. I gave it to my husband to read and he just laughed. I still can't get him to try it, but I'm starting to wear him down. If your guy is into this kind of thing, I would definitely recommend giving him this to read.
It addresses issues that many men may not know are infact issues at all. You must log in to edit Common Knowledge data. References to this work on external resources. Wikipedia in English None. Keep her coming back for more No library descriptions found. Book description. Renowned for her work as a speech therapist and voice coach, she has assisted many politicians and actors in neutralizing their accents and improving speech skills overall. She lives in New York City. Without stating it outright, our culture—via our parents, the media, and our peers—implies that sex and sexual skills should come naturally, with all but the most advanced techniques being somehow instinctive.
You'd never expect someone to hit a perfect tennis serve without lessons and practice or to play a beautiful sonata on an instrument they've only touched a couple of times, yet somehow, most of us come to maturity with the expectation that sexual skills will magically develop in the presence of our naked lover, that this lover will likewise experience a spontaneous onset of spectacular proficiency, and that it will all unfurl as smoothly as a movie montage.
Where do real-life Don Juans get their savoir faire? There's only one way: practice, practice, practice. Some people try to pick up tips from their friends, but while you may have a friend or two with information to spare, you're probably dealing with what literary critics calls an "unreliable narrator. Real sex is awkward. The fact is, if you expect great sex to come naturally, you're in big trouble, and your partner is in even bigger trouble.
Giving great oral sex is dependent upon being truly comfortable with the act, "in good times and in bad.
People get injured physically especially in the shower and emotionally especially in affairs , and on the whole, doing it probably causes about as many problems as pleasures. This doesn't mean that you should stop—in fact most of us should be having more sex rather than less. Some people love it, others don't. But you're in denial if you're surprised by it. If this is a concern for you, just take a bath or shower with your partner, instead of trying to skirt oral sex, or pretending to be comfortable going down when you're not.
If you forge ahead anyway, your partner will sense your repressed discomfort, and the effort to conceal your true feelings will take the zest out of your performance. Barring a bath, be aware that a vagina will taste and smell very differently after it is stimulated enough to create the body's natural lubricants, which have an addictively delicious flavor.
A little foreplay and hand action can change the menu entirely. Labia got yer tongue? Whether it's that funny slurping noise, a penis that veers to the right like it's catching a curve ball, or a pubic hair in your eye, unexpected things are bound to happen during sex.
Who can say what they will be? One woman I know started laughing while her guy was coming in her mouth, and it ended up dribbling out of her nose.
Things like this are a natural part of an active sex life, so you might as well expect them and make sure to bring your sense of humor with you to the bedroom.
Taking sex too seriously is a sure passion-killer. Genitals Look Funny Believe it or not, the overall quality of oral sex is still being compromised by people's shame and fear of genitalia. The people giving oral sex are afraid to stare too much, because they don't want to make their partner feel uncomfortable, while their partner can barely even relax and enjoy themselves because they're so freaked out by someone sniffing around down there.
Shocking as it is, this is occurring in the twenty-first century, and it's compromising the quality of oral sex. To overcome any vestiges of genital-fear, take a moment with your partner to really look at her genitals. Tell her why you want to do it, and make sure that she feels comfortable with it first. Then look—really look —at all the different parts, and acknowledge that these are what you have to work with. This exercise is worth it: an anatomically complete understanding of your partner's genitals will assure your subconscious that there is nothing "bad" or "dirty" or "scary" lurking in there anywhere.
Really, it was. The fact is, women fake orgasms pretty regularly, and it's a rare lover who openly communicates what they do or don't like, because they're trying to be nice. But withholding feedback is extremely counterproductive with regards to sex. The way people communicate about sex isn't even worthy of the term "miscommunication," because not only does withholding feedback send the wrong information that you like something you don't or dislike something you do like , it actively obstructs future communication about sex.
We're lucky consultants can't be called into the bedroom, because most people would be fired. The result? Very few men and women have been given enough feedback to develop a repertoire that works. And it's a damned shame. Since they haven't built up the strength and precision of their lips and tongue through a history of feedback and refinement, they develop a repertoire based on second-rate skills and subject every poor date they meet to it.
As a loving pet-owner thinks their cat or dog is absolutely unique among the breed, everyone—and I mean everyone —thinks they have great sexual skills.
Meanwhile, most people report more than a few instances of less-than-satisfying sex every year. You do the math. You don't have to pass out a Comments and Suggestions card afterward, but you do need to elicit your partner's feedback. A whispered "Do you like that? Great oral lovers are not orgasm-making machines, and if you treat oral sex this way you're not going to enjoy it—and neither will your partner.
Aside from straining yourself, your orgasm fixation will actually distract you from any subtle signs or signals given by your lover. You don't have to frantically chase orgasms. The orgasm will come to you. Straining and stressing about how long it's taking your partner to come wards off a real orgasm like a snake scares a mare, so it's better to just let go of this expectation and enjoy yourself.
Experiment and play—"the light touch," as it's sometimes called—will inevitably create more pleasure for your partner than strain or stress. People who perform poorly at oral sex are usually hung up on one or all of these basic issues. But there's another, related set of concerns that are a little more serious, and must be addressed for you to get the most out of giving—and getting—oral sex. It almost always brings up somebody's emotions.
Oral sex is in some ways even more intimate. There's a Chinese proverb that says if you save a person's life, they're yours forever. That's fine and well, but hair-pulling, moan-making, nail-sinking oral sex breeds its own strain of attachment, and it can be pretty fierce. Partially because of the intense feelings of vulnerability it can provoke, some people have a very hard time opening themselves up to receiving oral sex.
At the thought of someone else fully exploring their genitals and witnessing their states of uncontrolled ecstasy, some people begin to drool, while others snap closed like a clam. Personally, I drool. Control issues After all, what might that other person do down there? Will they try to stick something weird in my [insert most feared orifice here] or do something else that I'm not prepared for?
What if I have to fart? What if I didn't wipe well the last time I. On the giving end, performance anxiety and fear of being judged are chief among the pleasure killers. While there is no magic potion to remove these inhibitions other than drugs and alcohol, which are not long-term solutions! Being comfortable and happy make almost anything you do better, and this goes double for oral sex. In order to devote yourself fully to giving and receiving pleasure, you need to be as deep in the pleasure groove as you can get.
For those of you who have been single for a while, tend to fumble with sexual tension, or simply feel that you could be better at relaxing and enjoying the ride, here's some information on how to prepare your entire being for oral sex.
Before going out with a sexual partner or soon-to-be sexual partner, most people spend time squinting in the mirror and picking out their most flattering clothes. Paying a little extra attention to your appearance and hygiene before a date is a natural inclination—and should be de rigueur if you're hoping for future dates—but the buck rarely stops there. All over the country, people go tearing through their closets looking for the "right" outfit, wrestling into one sweater just to run to the mirror and frown.
Maybe I should just cancel. The seeming innocuousness of predate fretting is only skin-deep: it has very real consequences for sex and physical pleasure. Shower Power Being clean and sweet-smelling is a considerate gesture that says to your partner "I want you to enjoy contact with my body," and it can boost your self-confidence. However, criticizing your body on any level will impede your oral sex performance, because how you feel about your own body will be played out in how you react to your lover's.
It can also distract you from your partner's subtle signals, and delay your own orgasms.
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